threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
