when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
