do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Randomize
