Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
