We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Randomize
