Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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