what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
