I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
