This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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