People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
