So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
