never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The Olympian is in my bed
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
