its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
