I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
