Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
you would pick up someone in the library
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
