So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
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