but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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