So drunk its hurt
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
