Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
