was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
