And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
