I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
