Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Randomize
