I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
