i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
