i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
