i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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