Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
