i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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