I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
