ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
