I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
