I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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