real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
try to milk me bitch
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