Kiss
Puke
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize
