oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
