Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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