is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
third nipple confirmed
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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