Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
