It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
