I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
