i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
