I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
