You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
a search helicopter?!
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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