why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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