Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
