perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
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