Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
