I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
