Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
