Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
